


Equal & Opposite

by lunar_system



Category: Howl Series - Diana Wynne Jones, Howl no Ugoku Shiro | Howl's Moving Castle, Howl's Moving Castle - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Fantasizing, Pining, Slight Dom/Sub, a touch of mutual pining too, howl is a disaster bi, howl is strongly implied of having had sex with others, howl is the one being praised and the sub, mostly bookverse but a touch of the movie too, slight angst, slight praise kink, wanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:53:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27336724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunar_system/pseuds/lunar_system
Summary: Howl can’t sleep and his thoughts wander. A fantasy of an old hook-up will surely calm his nerves enough for sleep.If only that fool Sophie would keep out of his thoughts long enough for him to get over with it.
Relationships: Sophie Hatter/Howl Pendragon
Comments: 12
Kudos: 248





	Equal & Opposite

**Author's Note:**

> A little added scene mostly from Howl's point of view, situated somewhere in the middle or towards the end of the book. 
> 
> As mentioned in the tags, this fic leans more towards the book version of events and characterisations.

Howl lied awake in his bed and stared at the dark ceiling. The house creaked distantly in the night, as if the echoes of the castle’s movement reached in through the spells. There were no other sounds but the house itself. Even Sophie had finished her work for the day and was sleeping in her bed under the stairs. That bed had grown comfier and comfier day by day without her ever noticing. Or at least, without her ever making a remark about the change. Howl hoped she would never notice it at all. She would have gotten entirely too smug if she found out someone around here cared about her wellbeing that much.

Sophie. That old Sophie with a curse that continued to be unbroken. It ought to have unwinded ages ago by now, with all the effort he and Calcifer had put into breaking it. Old, stubborn Sophie, wrapped in the curse like it was a comforting blanket. Howl just couldn't figure out why _.  _ The mystery has kept him awake many nights, and it did so again now. Why would anyone  _ choose  _ to give up the gift of beauty? 

It was hard to remember that pretty face he saw once at Market Chipping. Young, scared looking woman with such a different demeanor than old Sophie’s. It was that change of attitude that had made Howl so uncertain of whether or not he had really seen Sophie back then. And even though he was fairly sure about it now, the detail of the young woman’s face still escaped him.

Howl sighed and turned in his bed. The cool, stale emptiness of his heartless heart had been acting up lately, tugging him to directions he couldn’t seem to refuse. He had had a talk with Calcifer about it. Calcifer seemed to be confident that Sophie could break their bond, if anyone. Howl wasn’t yet as convinced. Sophie didn’t seem to ever  _ look  _ at the right things, and even when she did, she always made the wrong assumptions. And yet having her around gave Howl more hope he had felt in a long time. 

Was it really hope? It was hard to name feelings like this. The sensation flickered through him and didn’t find a place to land. Instead it faded away like a fallen star. 

But it was useless, tossing and turning like this. Sleep was not coming, not with all the restless thoughts roaming about. If things were like they used to be, he would have left the castle by now and went to find someone to chat up. But ever since…  _ lately,  _ it had lost its old charm. 

Yes, yes, of course. It was because of Sophie. It was because Sophie was guarding the entrance to his own house like a hawk. What privacy did he have anymore? Every step he took he was being watched and judged. 

Well. He was not going to go out now, not with Sophie… watching. But that didn’t have to stop him. That would show the nosy woman there was no controlling him. Besides, he’d end up getting more sleep this way anyway. 

What fantasy should he go with? There was that one man quite some time ago that he hooked up with from a sports bar. One of his favourite memories to wank to, really. There was just something special about a conquest at a sports bar. It must have been the stench of competitive masculinity there. Everyone had their guard up, and that was exactly what made a score feel so much more earned.

That time it had been about the glances. The right timing of them, and the right amount too. Going in with too much force would have scared the other man away (what had his name been?) Too little, and he wouldn’t have gotten the hint. That balancing act was an art form in itself. Then, a strategic touch on the shoulder. It had lingered just a heartbeat too long. And ultimately slipping away from the crowd with a newly found, shared secret…

That was more like it. Howl sighed as his hand travelled down over his belly. He wrapped his fingers around his hardening cock. Just a little further into the fantasy and he would soon be able to sleep.

The man had had a special gleam in his eye. That gleam had Howl hoping that the man might be a bit of a controlling type once they got things going. It hadn’t exactly played out like he had wanted, though. The man had lacked an edge that some others had naturally, for example Sophie –

Nope. This was  _ not _ the direction his fantasy was going to go. Howl squeezed his eyes shut and concentrated on picturing the man. It had felt good, being held by him. His strong arms had been steady around Howl’s waist. And when Howl had knelt in front of him, that gasp of wonder had sent sparks of excitement up and down his back. 

And yet the vision lacked some spark. Howl opened his eyes in the dark and wondered why he couldn’t quite get himself going. It was bound to be a disappointing wank if it continued like this, like a walk on a sorry little hill instead of conquering a mountain. What was it with this fantasy man this time that didn’t work? What was he lacking? Howl had knelt in front of him, just like he liked to do, but still... There was no challenge. Not enough push and pull. The man hadn’t even demanded anything so that Howl could have first resisted before giving in. Where was the fun in taking the easiest route?

Howl growled to himself and sighed. Yes, of course. There was only one person he knew could offer the push he craved. And that person kept stubbornly being a ninety year old woman.  _ And  _ she was his only hope of ever getting his heart back. 

It was a no-go. The fantasy man would have to do. Howl closed his eyes and soon stood in front of the man again. This time the man ordered him to go down on his knees. 

He whispered his reply against his lips. “Make me.”

“Be careful what you wish for,“ a woman’s voice replied. 

A breath escaped Howl’s lips. It was Sophie, of course. But this Sophie wasn’t the mouse girl from Market Chipping, and neither was she the old woman from downstairs. This one had the looks of youth but the edge of her old age, and she was more stunning than ever. And when Howl slowly pushed his hand down on his now hard cock, he knew there was no turning back from the vision. It filled him with a languid lust that slowly poured into his limbs from his heartless core. He did nothing to stop it.

This Sophie was going to be the end of him. 

“Don’t bother lecturing me,” he said to the vision of Sophie. She was just a breath away from him, and all he wanted to do was to reach over and to tackle her on the ground. But he would not. It was a game of push and pull, and they were only getting started. 

“As if you would ever listen to a word I say,” Sophie said. Her eyes were traveling over Howl’s face, from his eyes to his mouth. Oh, how good it felt to be looked at like that, like he was both something disgusting and the most prized possession in the world at the same time. Only Sophie could ever manage that in one look. 

“You wound me,” he said. “I’m very attentive to the sounds you make. Especially if I’m the one causing them.”

Sophie laughed, and it was so unrealistic Howl had to rewind the scene. Sophie  _ glared.  _ That was more like it. And that glare cut straight through him and far beyond. Howl gasped and slowed down the motions of his hand. It was too good of a scene to ruin by rushing. 

“Oh, Sophie,” he said instead. His breath in both the scene and in reality was speeding up, but that was alright. Sophie would get to see how much he wanted her, and she would be so mad about it. “Cat got your tongue?” He raised his hand and brushed his thumb up against Sophie’s lower lip. Maybe the slight keening noise Sophie made just then was a touch too far, but Howl couldn’t rewind the scene anymore. Sophie leaned to his touch just a fraction until her eyes flashed with steel. She took hold of Howl’s wrist and held it tight in between them.

It was Howl who keened then. 

“Listen,” Sophie said, steel in her voice now as well. “I don’t know what you are playing at, but you're not fooling me.”

“I wouldn’t  _ dream  _ of fooling you, my dear Sophie.”

“Good. Because you are going to do exactly as I say, and I will not hear another word against it.”

“So  _ decisive.  _ Watch out or you’ll soon make the whole nation go down on their knees for you.”

“I don’t need the whole nation to do so. Just you.”

Breath caught in Howl’s throat and words escaped him. He stared at Sophie’s bold and confident eyes and licked his lips. “You are a dangerous woman.”

Sophie took hold of his chin next. “Down. Now.”

Howl was down on his knees before he knew it.

“That’s my good boy.”

Howl whimpered and stilled his hand momentarily again. He was leaking and the steady hum of want filled him from head to toe. But Sophie hadn’t got to the point yet. He’d be patient for Sophie. He would. He would do anything she asked. Just now, just here, he would do anything she asked. (Not that he would ever tell her that. Not even in his fantasy.)

But what next? Sophie would have let go of his wrist, but she’d still hold to his chin. He’d be forced to look up at her, and he’d do so willingly, with adoration in his eyes. It felt so good to surrender the chase and be caught for once. No running away and no hiding. But the thought of being seen was terrifying as much as it was thrilling. It felt as if his heart was in Sophie’s hands. That fragile, old heart that he had already lost. He would gamble it once again, for Sophie. He would gamble it just for that look she gave him now.

“So obedient,” Sophie whispered and caressed his cheek. “Never thought I’d see you like this.”

Howl sighed and leaned into the touch. He trapped Sophie’s hand with his own and pulled it down to his mouth and kissed her palm. His lips here hot and desperate against her cool skin. Sophie whimpered above him, and before Howl knew it, he was being tackled down on the ground with Sophie on top of him. Lips met lips in hurry, with no time to waste. Howl found Sophie’s waist and pulled her closer. The smooth fabric of her dress was pulled tight underneath his fingers. How would he get underneath all that fabric, it was too big of a puzzle to solve. Hems, it would have to do with the skirt hems. But then Sophie slotted one of her legs in between his and pushed closer  _ just so,  _ and all Howl could do was to keep kissing her to not get lost completely. 

“Sophie, I…” he gasped.

“Yes, I know,” she panted, equally out of breath and out of words as well. There was no time for words anyway. And if Sophie would just trail down from his lips to his neck, just so and just a little lower… Howl moaned at the sensation and his hips bucked up. 

“Sophie,” he managed to say, “Sophie, please.”

And Sophie looked at him like he had given her all the treasures of this and other worlds. Fabric rustled as skirts were gathered and discarded, trousers and shirts tossed away, and finally there was skin on skin. Howl let his hands travel up and down Sophie’s sides, up to caress her breasts and then down on her thighs. Sophie pressed herself close to him and barely broke from the kiss. And all that alone would already have been perfectly enough, if it wasn’t for the wetness Howl’s cock brushed against whenever Sophie moved. He grunted and dug his fingers to the flesh of Sophie’s hips to stop himself from any eager thrusts that might have violated her boundaries. But as Sophie broke from the kiss and looked into his eyes, he knew he had been caught. He panted and looked back at her, knowing that all his lust was written on his face, plain and open. He cleared his throat and tried to school his face into something a bit more respectful. 

Sophie laughed. And somehow, there and then, it wasn’t unrealistic at all. Smile burst on Howl’s face as well and he pulled Sophie down into a kiss. Sophie reached down and searched for a right position to guide him in. Once she found it, she looked Howl steadily in the eye and pushed down. And that was all it took. Just the thought of sinking into Sophie that made the scene snap. Alone in his bed, Howl clasped one hand over his mouth as his orgasm took over him. In his shaking and tensing, the vision continued with an equivalent force. His beautiful, foolish and stubborn Sophie, guiding them both through their shared pleasure, crying out as it swallowed her as well. Howl pulled all of her as close as he could and kissed her with all he had, all the while thrusting into her with motions she so eagerly responded to. Their push and pull completely in sync, they rode the wave together until it smoothed out into a calm and serene exhaustion. 

In his bed, Howl exhaled slowly, and waved his hand to get rid of the mess. In his vision, Sophie lied down next to him and traced his cheek with her fingertips. Both in his bed and in his vision, Howl turned to lie on his side and cradled her in his arms. 

If he still had his heart, he could have sworn he felt something more than hope when he thought about Sophie. But as it was, it must have been only that opportunistic hope of getting his heart back. Spiced, of course, with the familiar desire of getting his hands on a beautiful girl. Nothing else. It just was not possible. 

And even if it was something more, who would ever be foolish enough to love a heartless man in return? 

* * *

Sophie woke up to a flashing light and pulled away the curtain separating her bed from the room. Calcifer was flickering in the hearth, moving as if he was trying to shake water off from his fiery arms.

“Calcifer? Is everything alright?”

“Would you believe me if I said this stupid lump of coal I’m sitting on is having a heartache?”

Sophie stared at Calcifer with sleepy eyes and no patience for riddles in the middle of the night. “Are you asking for more firewood?”

Calcifer sighed a tired puff of smoke and shrunk into a small flame. “Go back to sleep.”

“Alright. Good night.”

“Night, Sophie.”

Sophie pulled the curtain back and settled into her bed. Last tendrils of a dream were lingering somewhere at the edges of her mind, becoming harder to catch every moment that passed by. That was alright. The little fragments she could recall didn’t feel very appropriate for a woman of her age, anyway. 

But she did remember a certain pair of eyes looking up at her. Their expression had been so... unlikely. There really was no doubt it had all been just a dream and nothing more. 

Sophie stared at the rise of the staircase above her. Somewhere at the end of those stairs Howl was sleeping soundly and dreaming of all the young and pretty girls the world had to offer. She sighed. At least it was one less worry for her, to know she was safe from the pursuit, even if it haunted her dreams. Certainties like that made the world a simpler place. It really was best that way. She had all she wanted, and right now that was to have a good night’s sleep in her surprisigly comfortable bed. Had it been this comfortable all along?

When sleep came back to her, it felt like an embrace. She could almost imagine a pair of slender arms cradling her, accompanied with a hint of perfume. And somehow, quite inexplicably, she suddenly felt very loved. She leaned into the embrace and allowed herself to dream for a moment that it was real.


End file.
